Serva me, Servabo te
by g0lden girl
Summary: Explores the relationship between the brothers. No Romance and no sister fic
1. Post Tenebras Lux

This was the moment; the carcinogen smog that slowly destroyed my lungs, the bass synchronized with my pulse, the screams of the crowd following every dictation of my voice. It is here that I am free from judgment, internal or external. My brothers have often seen me as the fairy, the queer or what ever you want to call it. My angst couldn't be held inside me, as if it was some tangle repressed ideal. I never bounced back as a stoic man like my brothers, and I guess that's why I left when I turned eighteen. The self hate of being incapable to become who my brothers were just killed me inside. I knew they loved, but I knew I'll never be like they are. I always felt as if I transnished the Mercer reputation. I guess that's why I haven't seen them in over three years…

"Jackie. Snap out of it."

There I was standing in the middle of the stage; an eerie sort of calm came before the crowd. I zoned out of the end of the performance, and instead of taking our fucking bow and getting off the stage, I left them standing there as if I could offer that one last word that it would make it all better. They were staring at me as if I could guide them to an epiphany. I couldn't, I never would. I began to take huge gulps of yellow air that now burn the inside of me. I felt the silence beat down upon, the crowd began to stir, mirroring what I was internal creating. They, perfect strangers were beginning to see how I was unable to be what they wanted me to be. I'm such a fuck-up. Slowly their faces morphed into those I've left behind. The guilt loomed above me, choking me of that pernicious air. I couldn't breath anymore, so I did what I've done my entry life. I ran.


	2. Uti, Non Abuti

My band mates found me outside, up chucking my cookies in the fifthly alley behind the dressing room. They knew I had a shitty past, part guessed part told. Thus they knew to leave me alone when I was like this. I knew I was pushing my luck with them. After three years of living together I could tell that they were getting tired of my bullshit. I fingered the only reason why the didn't send me to the curb was the couldn't replace me, and I know it's not like they haven't tired. They found me around the greyhound bus station at one am three years ago. I guess they thought I could save their ass musically and make us all fucking rich. I couldn't.

"Jesus Jack, couldn't you wait till after the show to have a breakdown."

"Yah man, what's the fuck wrong with man"

"I didn't fuckin break down John".

"Bullshit Jack, you froze man. I bet you were thinking about your pretty brothers. You're such a fuckin ---"

At this time I had him in a by the neck pinned against the wall, in my other hand I had my forty-five pointed at our drummer. I no longer felt sick, I had something to accomplish. The only sound that filled the air, was white noise. I just snapped, all that pent up anger found it's escape. I was scared. How did it come to this, the only home I had now was ruined over some bullshit. I drop John and put down the gun. What's the fuckin point anyways? I continued walking away.

"Fuck you Jack, we never wanted your mother fucken skinny ass with to begin with. You just got lucky you asshole. "

Screw then I thought. I got over to our apartment, figuring that I had some time to grab my shit together, steal some money and split. But to where? I had a crappy day job, but it's not like that would keep a roof over my head. Shit, what was I going to do? I passing the living room with my shit in my left hand, thinking if there was one that I could get a hold of that help me out. I felt like calling Ma, but then I felt cowardly about that. I left my Ma by herself, without telling her good-bye. Would she still want to talk to me if I called, would she hate me? All I knew was I couldn't live on the streets again, I just couldn't… The phone was staring at me, as if it was encouraging me to pick it up and call my own mother. It was just sitting there. Just expected me to pick it up and… FUCK IT, I reached over and called.

Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring …

The fucking phone just rung and rung. I took it as a signal that I was dead to them. It wasn't like they need me anyways…

"What the fuck do you want?" And on went the voice that scared the shit out of me when I was younger. I did what any traumatized kid did when he frighten. I regressed into my childish ways; which for me meant hyperventilating into the phone. I really forgot about everything else but Bobby and what he would do to me once he found me…

"Do you think that this is funny mother fucker. Prank calling at four in the fucking morning. Do you know who I am? I'll fucking ---"

"_Bobby?" _ At this point I was shaking all over. I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. My entry life I've lived in shit-ass places, but Bobby was only able to scare me this bad. I was wonder why on Earth I decided to open my mouth. I should have played the dumb ass pranker. At this hour I doubt he would be able to tell the difference between my panting and someone else's. Hell, I was probably over reacting at this point. I doubt Bobby would remember what my voice sounded like. It wasn't like he was always around. Plus he hasn't said anything in over a minute. Silence

"Jackie Boy, is that really you?" He sounded scared or some other weird emotion that I haven't heard before in his voice.

Naturally I reversed into hyperventilating into the phone again. I guess that was the answer that he was accepted because he let out a sound that was between a cry and a laugh. I was scared shitless at this point. There was a hand full times that I heard that sound. I eventually got my ass whip, badly.

"Jackie Boy it's really you. Jesus Fucken Christ."

Silence, then more panting from me. I couldn't control it, honestly. He was probably disgusted with me.

"Come on Jackie, say some please."

"…"

"I promise I'm not angry at you, please just calm down. Just tell me were you are. I'll come and get you."

I heard noisy footsteps coming through the main gate. Then I remember I had to get the fuck out if I want keep what little I had."

"Jackie say something? Are you in trouble man. Please man, I'm here. I'm not angry."

I built-up some nerve, "I love you Bobby, but I've to go before it's too late. Sorry."

I hung up the phone, took my shit I jumped over the balcony before the front door open. They never even knew I was there, thankfully.

Bobby's Point of View:

I can't believe that Jackie, my Jackie is still alive. Shit he sounded like he was in trouble. Well no shit my brain screamed at me, why else would my baby bro call a, Jesus, four in the fucken morning. Shit shit shit. I don't think I could go through losing him again. I don't think any of us could. Where the fuck did he call from anyways… I'm getting too old for this shit…Fuck it…

I look at the area code, and I didn't fuckin recognized where it was from. It was on the tip of my tongue. I sat their on my bed for a good ten minutes thinking… Shit that's where Angel called when he was in Hollywood last year. I smirked, thinking I should call and wake he's ass up. It's only fair, plus I don't think he'll mind once he hears the news. With a cig, I called him on his base in San Diego. After five minutes of ringing, someone answered. That someone was a male. Maybe Jackie wasn't the fag in the family after all.

"Who the fuck is this?"

"Why it's Angel's big bro sweetheart."

"I ain't your fucken sweetheart."

"Just pass the phone to Angel."

"He's sleepy jackass. We all were sleeping."

"Shit, how many dicks do you have it that fucking bed."

"This is a fucking dormitory asshole."

"Geez, _Sorry_. Can you go get Angel on the fucking phone now?"

"Do know what time we have to get up? Four in the ---"

"I don't give a shit Wake Angel up, tell him Bobby's on the phone and it's about Jack and I leave you the fuck alone…"

"Whatever man." That better be a yes asshole I thought.

"Bobby, is that you."

Damn that's quick I though. Usually it takes him ten minutes to get up at this hour for some ass. I guess family still has some impact. "Yeah it's me… Jackie called half an hour ago."

"Shit. Is he ok. Where the fuck is he? When ---"

"He's in trouble. I don't know from what or why, but shit I can't let him go again." I was feeling extremely depressed at this point; I just realized that that could be the last time I could ever hear he's voice again and here I was dicking with one of Angel's dorm mates. Shit

"I know bro, is there anything I could do to help."

"Yeah you can. He called from Hollywood; I can give you the number later. If your jarhead officer let's you go, can you go find him. I can't fly out because I'm on probation."

"Can Jerry or Ma fly out?"

"Sure, but I don't they can actually do shit. It would just be wasting time."

"Shit, Fucking A. Bobby … I'm going to talk to my C.O. Wait by the phone, I doubt that the answer it is going to be a yes."

"Fuckin A Angel."


	3. Dum vita est, spes ot

Jack's Point of View

I spent the last two hours walking to Echo Park, sanctuary of fuck-ups like me. Though LAPD claims that they cleaned up Echo Park, it's still filled with drugs, prostitutes, gangs etc. Fortunately for me, at three am my time, most of the druggies and whack-jobs are passed out. So all I had to do is drag my sorry ass to a shit-hole motel by the lake. As I opened the door I begin to worry about Bobby. Judging by the tone he gave me I knew that didn't forget about me and still gave a fuck. Thus meaning he probably called the apartment, Angel, Jerry, Ma and who ever he thought could help. Shit, if he called the apartment, the guys will notice I took the rent money and will be on the look out for me… Did I mention that John's older brother is a small time 'gangster' Shit, I guess I better get my ass out of town for a while…

By this time I got myself to the room that will be home for the next two days. After that, I don't know where I'll go. Hollywood doesn't have anything to offer to me anymore; I'm just another soul to trudge down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I really just missed home. The past three years are just been a reincarnation of my past life… I left an amazing family that loved me for this bullshit. Who cares if you're called a fairy if they loved you? I started laughing; what am I talking about. They weren't there. Jerry got married and left my ass, Angel went into the Marines without a single glanced back and then Bobby. Bobby was always bouncing in and out into God knows what.

I got up and went to my duffel bag. At the bottom of the bag, beneath the card board, laid heaps of pictures of my family. I got up; made sure I locked the door and grabbed some beer. Looking at the pictures, I remember all the times I was so happy I was with them. They loved me, fairy or not, and now they were probably worried sick about me. O what fuck, I'll call Bobby. And if he doesn't what to see me, at least I want have to wonder what if. I don't want to live a life filled with regrets.

Ring…Ring…Ri----

"Jackie boy is that you?" Damn, I guess he does care. Shit, what happens if he's just doing this for Ma and he doesn't want to deal with my shit again? He's probably pissed that he as to deal with this shit again, especially at this time of night. I started to hyperventilate into the phone again, and hating myself every step of it.

"Jackie I know that's you. Are you safe right now?"

I was able to croak out, "Defined safe Bobby."

I heard him give a bark of a laugh, "Jackie, my fucking god you have no idea what type of shit and stress you're putting me through right now."

Shit, I though, now he's pissed at me. At this moment, it sounded like I was having an asthma attack, wondering why on earth I continually embarrass myself in front of him. Shit.

"Jackie I not angry at you, please just stay calm. I love bor, you know that, right man?"

I felt my heart rate slow down, a tinge. He was using his calm tone, the one that would make me crawl out of under the bed and into his lap. He always would laugh in his kind tone letting me know that he wasn't piss at me and that he loved me, even if he did say that it was nice to have his sister back.

"Bobby…"

"What is it Jackie?" He still was using that kind tone.

"I'm so sorry for everything that I've done, it's just I ---." And then the dams open. I felt my face turning red, and I was thinking that Bobby was wondering why he got suck with such a fairy like me. I started to bawl and quickly hung-up the phone so that he couldn't hear me. I cried myself to sleep.

Angel's Point of View

Cracker Jack was finally safe. I got the phone call from Bobby telling him at which shit-hole he was at; I love caller-id, it makes my life so much easier Needless to say, I was glad that the kid was safe. Every since Jack disappear three years ago, we kinda drifted off from each other. Each blaming each other, each knowing it was all three of our fault. Leave the poor boy with no brothers to protect him against shit; while that was going to change today. Shockingly, my C.O. felt that not only should I go find my baby brother, but he should go help. I didn't mind one bit. It took about 90 minutes to go up the 5 into LA. There were definitely perks in being in the military.

"Angel I think that this is the place." Shit, I thought taking in the eye-sore view. The place was a fuckin dump. My C.O. gave me a nervous glance. I got out of the car faster than I wanted to show, but I worried. This was definitely the type of place in which a skinny white kid would get his ass kicked, or even shot. As we made our way up to the third floor, I began to caress my 45 out of comfort.

"Angel, get your hand away from that gun. The last thing the army needs is a blow out at a seedy motel."

"Cap, my little bro in this place."

"Calm down Angel we're here. We don't even know if something happen yet. Just calm down, you don't want your brother to see you like this"

I sighed at door 356, hoping that my brother was ok. Bobby mentioned something of a break-down that Jackie had. I started knocking on the door, loudly. "Cracker Jack, its Angel. Open this fucken door so I can see you man." Someone started groaning inside. "Come on Jackie boy let me see your fairy face, I miss it." I knew in the back of my mind I should be toning it down, but I had to hold him, touch him to make sure that he was alright. I needed something more of a groan to prove that I never lost my baby brother.

"Angel, it that you?" That's my bro, shit I felt my eyes water up. "Come on Jackie open this fuck door before I kick it down." I could feel my body vibrating with excitement and my eyes watering up from happiness when I heard the locks sliding out of place. I think my C.O. was happier with me when I was caressing my gun.

"Hey Angel, I didn't know that you were coming to find me." He told me tiredly, and then he smiled at me. It was my same old Jack; just sicker, dirty and a hell of a lot skinner. I didn't give a damn. I hugged his ass until we both were sobbing from the happiness of seeing each other. Damn I miss his skinny ass.

"I knew you would show up again. Come on man, let go. I ain't one of your fairy friends." The moment I said it I regret it. His face fell, he's arms loosened and he gave a bitter smile.

"Once a fairy, always a fairy. I got you Angel."

"Jackie I didn't mean it that way, I was just opening my trap. You know I'm full of shit. Bobby always said I was." I was rambling at this point.

"Angel it's fine, I'm just glad to see your pretty boy ass again. Now help me pack up so we can get out of this shit-hole." I couldn't agree more, but I know that Jack was still hurt by that fairy joke, and that killed me.

Jack's Point of View

When I first heard the pounding upon my door, I was scared shitless. I guess John's bro was able to find me quicker than I thought. With a hangover in my head and a crick in the back, I began to throw shit into the duffel bag. The world spin out beneath me, and I fell to the ground with a groan. 'Great, this is how my shitty life is going to end, and I couldn't even get away. My brothers would be disgusted"

"Cracker Jack, it's Angel. Open this fucken door so I can see you man."

I frozen, how in the hell did he find me. I guess Bobby tracked down my number, and Ma made Angel come and get me.

"Come on Jackie boy let me see your fairy face, I miss it."

Why do they always call me a Fuckin fairy; just because I don't have a fuse with a length of toe nail does not make me a fucking fairy. He started to pound on the door harder, just like the old days before he went into the marines. "Angel, is that you?" My voice sounded weak, even to me. Maybe I am a fuckin fairy.

"Come on Jackie open this fuck door before I kick it down." I got up and started to unlock the numerous of lock on my door, shaking with fear, thinking how pissed he was to come and get me at this hour. "Hey Angel, I didn't know that you were coming to find me." Then I gave him one of my tired smiles, seeing how he wasn't pissed with me. Then he did something so un-Angel like; he smiled so hard, eyes watering up and then he reached over and hugged until I heard my back my back pop. I didn't give a shit, I had a brother back.

"I knew you would show up again. Come on man, let go. I ain't one of your fairy friends." I felt my heart drop sown into my toes; it didn't matter if I was 21 fucking years old, I'll still remain a little fairy kid that would always be the outsider in the family. I gave him a bitter smile and told me, "Once a fairy, always a fairy. I got you Angel." It was odd, I could tell that he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but at this point I could give a damn. I felt my head pounding, my back aching and my legs wobbling. The only substance I had in my body the past two days was booze and nicotine. I knew I was about to pass out soon, so I told Angel to help me pack so we could get the fuck out of this shit hole, before I hit the ground.

C.O.'s Point of View

When Angel Mercer woke me up before for dawn, I knew something was amiss. Angel, though one of my most aggressive soldiers, was not exactly a model citizens. The only time I saw him is when too many civilians and cops complained about his behavior. It then takes a day or two just to go through his billshit explanations as to why he can't come in, and when he does come in, its hell. It was easy to say they did not have a friendly relationship. So I was confused when he said he 'need' to talk; it usually was the other way around.

"Private, what the fuck are you doing here!" I was hoping the problem wasn't too big or something.

"Cap, it's my baby bro. He's in trouble; I have to save his ass. And I need your permission to go save ---" I held my hand, stopping him in mid-sentence, thinking Shit. From my limited, yet intense, relationship with the Mercer brothers, I knew that violence and front paper headlines were mundane to this family. If I let Angel go help Jerry, or god forbid Bobby, the damaged could be a national military disgrace; the trouble that entail this family was not petty GTA. However, I also knew that I couldn't stop Angel from _not_ going. Shit, I did not sign up for this shit.

"What did Bobby do this time?" I prayed that it was something minor. Maybe he just got high on heroin or something; _hopefully_.

"Shit, cap it ain't Bobby, it's Jack. Bobby's on probation in Detroit" Thank god for some favors I thought; one less psycho to worry about.

"Jack? I never heard of him before." I was currently debating whether that was a good or a bad thing.

"That's because he ran away when I was in boot camp. We all thought he got shot at or something. But he didn't. He's in Hollywood at some shit-hell in trouble, and I need to go get him. And if ---"

"Angel," I barked at him, "just _shut_ the fuck up. Let me think for a second." I knew that I couldn't stop Angel from not going, and if this Jack was in deep shit-trouble, Angel would probably resort to killing his fellow citizens, Scarface style. Shit, I guess I go along as damage control. "Angel, we'll go together."

"Cap, you want to go _with_ me."

"Yeah, haven't you heard of damage control?" I mumbled, "Now meet me by the Hummer's in ten minutes, I got some shit to take care of."

"Thanks Cap, you have know idea what this means to me."

"Yeah, Yeah, you can show your gratitude by keeping your nose clean when we get back."

He smile and told me, "We'll see." That was the answer I knew I was going to get, anyhow.

It wasn't till I got into the car when I realized how tensed and worried Angel was. That scared the shit out of me; Angel Mercer just didn't get worried or afraid. I started wondering what this Jack kid was like. Why did he run away? Was he anything like Bobby? How was his' temper? Longer I hope, than the other three. Then I realized, I didn't even know where the hell we were going.

"Angel, where are we going to in Hollywood?"

I look over at Angel, realizing that he was in a deep trance. When I was about to open my mouth again and ask him, he told me that he's down in some shit-hole motel in Echo Park, and then went back inside his head. Half hour later, when we pulled up to a seedy place, I began to think it would be wiser to call up the local cops. I doubt that some young punk could really be safe or alive if he started of in trouble; but as soon as I put the car in park, Angel flew out of the car leaving me behind to catch up with him.

By the second story of the motel, I noticed that Angel was caressing his forty-five; I told him to knock it off. The last thing I need is a blow-out fight in a seedy motel. Then we came to the kid's door. Angel got this weird look on his face, I kind of wished for the old Angel to come back. The knock and pounding began. Angel started to call for 'Cracker Jack' or a fairy. Lovely nicknames I thought. Finally, we heard the kid respond and open the door.

Angel had to have seen something I didn't. The kid was about 6'2 and at most 139 pounds. He's thick sandy blond hair laid flat on his head, soak with grease and other shit. His blue eyes were bloodshot and had a dried tear look to him. The smell of booze oozed off of the kid, and his' forearms were decorated with scars, self-inflected by the looks of it. He was an attractive boy, but … in a nutshell he look like a fuck-up that was about to pass out.

"Cap, help me with his shit." I got knock out of my day-dreaming. It turned out that my prediction came out to be true. Jackie boy collapsed into Angel's arm with his duffel bag and guitar case on the floor.

"Shit, what happened Angel."

"What you didn't see cap, he just fainted into my arms, I guess I woke him up too early." He threw me a smile, "Can you grab his shit?"

"Sure Angel." I watched Angel carry his little brother to the car, like a groom carries his bride over the threshold. Who know, Angel Mercer did have a soft spot after all.


	4. Abyssus Abyssum Invocat

I woke-up to a low rumble of noise. As I'd pulled myself up to a sitting position, I heard someone calling Angel's name. Angel, I remembered, saved my ass and called me a fuckin fairy, again. Whatever, I was glad that Angel came and got me. My stomach began to remind me how empty it was, when I felt the bed groan as a big man sat next to me.

"Hey sweetheart, how'd you feeling?" I opened my eyes and was greeted with the sight of an Arnold wannabe. I didn't say anything; he hasn't really bothered me yet. I was so tired of fighting anyways. I doubt that Angel would leave me again, after all the shit we've gone through.

"You know, Angel never told me that he had a pretty little thing like you under his wing… Tell me, how did you get there, under Angel that is?"

I didn't reply. Instead I tried to control my shaking, with little result. I didn't know where the fuck I was, I felt like shit and now on top of this I had some huge meathead giving me shit. Guess Angel left me, again. Not really a big surprised; probably for some ass. It wouldn't be the first time. Saving my ass was just a one step process. No need to make sure I wasn't hurt or in danger. At least Bobby was a multi-step process, he always followed through.

"Sweetheart you know it's not polite to be silent when someone's talking to you. But hey, maybe you didn't hear me, so I'll ask again; "How did you end up _under_ Angel." I felt his eye's mentally raking and raping me. The other men were shifting, as if the were torn in between two standings: Bet Angel told them to watch over me. You're doing a great fucking job, I thought sarcastically.

The meathead began to touch my leg through one of the larger tears in my jeans. He made a soft sigh of comfort, the bugled in his jeans got bigger. The other men got nervous; they kept eyeing the door. I guess they were hoping the Angel was going to walk through it before it got too late.

"Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are? And your lips, man I've never seen anything like them …" He began to softly stroke them. I felt the bile inch up my throat. I started to get pissed. This guy was just like my dear old foster father that I had, before he got sent to prison. Fuck it; I always get stick with the fuck-ups and no one ever gives a damn; not even my own brothers. Where the fuck is Angel?

"Jackie boy, you know that ---"

"Don't _fucking _call me that." I jumped off the bed, and away from him. My head began to spin with the sudden movement. I'd didn't give a shit though. I hate that nickname, the only person able to get away with it was Bobby, and that was only because it said it with love not lust. Not like all the other fucking psychos.

"Or what _Jackie Boy_. What can you possibly do to me? Well maybe you could relieve a little pressure down there with those lips of yours? I bet you're used to it. I bet Angel ---"

I felt his nose crumble under my fist. I saw his face lined with surprise has he fell to the ground. The sick sound of contact of where his head met the cold title of the floor. He was knocked out. A puddle of blood formed where his' nose met the floor. I looked around at the crowd that formed. They were speaking in between themselves. I heard half-formed sentences involving 'Angel' and some form of anger. I'd stared at him; his' warm blood had congealed on my face. My stomach was getting ready to up-chuck again. The world still slightly spun around me. I've always hated violence; all the horrible flashbacks that assailed my mind. I could do it, but I hated myself to do it. I always feared I'll end-up as one of them.

The guilt began to build-up as I started at his face. The talking that had raised volumes was creating a migraine in my head. I stumbled to get my beloved guitar and my shity duffel bag. The men parted like the Red Sea; guess I proved myself worthy of the Mercer last name: Congu-fuckin-lation. I have to get the fuck out of here before Angel could come back all proud.

I made it close to the door when Angel and that other guy from the motel appeared from the doorway. The room was quiet. Finally after a couple minutes of silence, that other guy spoke up.

"So he is a fucking Mercer after all."

"Course he is Cap."

After Angel responded, the room fell silent again. I felt Angel's face searching mine, looking to see if I was hurt. It was an old routine. Funny, despite the years that have past, Angel still knew where to look. As he eyed the mess behind me, I saw the guilt raise-up behind his' eyes. He knew I hated doing violence.

"Sorry Jack."

The silence began to full my ears. I knew he wanted me to speak. I knew that all my brothers hated how I fell back into my own world. It was a hard habit that was hard-wired in my brain that couldn't be erased with time. I was angry at myself for being angry with Angel for always leaving, but I couldn't keep it internal anymore.

"Its fine Angel, I'm used to you leaving anyways." I saw the hurt on Angel's face, and hated myself. But how come, that just for one day, he couldn't stay with me, when I needed him. Him and Bobby were always talking about family, where's the fucking proof. Shit, they were probability talking about them three, not a fuck-up like me. I couldn't be family. I tarnished the Mercer name. I was there for what happed to me, not what I happed to the world.

"Jack come on, I had some shit I had to take care of." Yeah, right. Shit usually met some ass.

"It's fine, I know that La Vida Locca is addicted to what your dick did and that you can't help to abided her. So please fuckin excuse me. I'll get out of your way so you can go back to fucking her. It will be like old times." I was all most through the door when I felt Angel slam me into the wall, none to gently mind you. Guess he was too pissed to be concerned with my fragile state.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Jack. That was over three years ago. I still feel bad about that shit man, why do you have to go rub it in my face. I'm here now."

"You weren't five minuets ago."

"That's because I was booking your plane ticket." He let me go at this point. I started shaking, he didn't want me. So it was true, all these thoughts I've had the past three years. I was right. Why did I call, I knew it was a waste.

"What, you can't bare to be with me more than 24 hours? What, do I embarrass you too much? Tarnish the Mercer last name. What is it Angel? What the fuck is it?" I felt my eyes tearing up. I was the outsider of this family, fuck it, this world. Nothing more than pretty holes. "Tell me Angel, tell why everyone leaves me. What have I do to them. Why?"

"You can't stay here Jack. I live in a dorm. Where can you live? Don't you think I want you here with me? I missed you man. This family hasn't been the same since you left us" Angel sat down on a bed, his hands running over head, his eyes' on me, waiting for me to self-destruct. I felt my legs give out as my back slid down the wall. The silence engulfed the room. I never did self-destruct. Not when Angel told me that I was leaving tomorrow morning, not when Angel carried me to his bunk and rubbed my back saying how sorry he was. I was in my own world where I was snug and dead: Lies need not apply.


End file.
